If I should never come back…

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I’m going somewhere soon, moving on, and away.

To a land with high reaching mountains, with caps of snow, even here in the middle of these hot, sunny days.

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Without a ticket in hand, or a destination in mind, I will be on my way.

To a beach, with deep blue seas, as far as the eyes can imagine they see.

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I’m going somewhere soon, far, far away.

I will stare at the departure board, and wait for a flicker, for a sign. A light in the darkness.

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Then I will be off, on my own, with just this bag on my back and these words in my head.

To a meadow, vast and infinite, in it’s green beauty. Where purple flowers dance with blackberries.

 

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Where the softest sigh comes floating in, just a breeze to show the way.

Taking me down, down a hidden path, to the waters edge.

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And away, away I will go.

Over the land I call home, up, up and beyond the borders laid down by men, and women, to keep people out, to keep some of us in.

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I will wait in line to board that plane, not knowing if the way I am going is forward, or back.

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Off, on my own, I will go on – up, up and away.

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Soon, goodbye shall be on my lips.

 

I’m going somewhere, where there will be no looking back, no wondering at the choices I’ve made, no doubting if I should ever come back.

 

 

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What am I doing here?

Sitting here, tonight, scanning through my emails, old photos on my external drive, checking texts I don’t want to reply to, flipping through profiles on dating sites I don’t know why I belong to, listening to music as I haven’t in weeks… loving that.

And I have no idea, what I’m doing here.

I’m calm, but testy. I’ve meditated, and pondering some yoga or qi gong.. something to do.

Because I don’t know what I’m doing here, now.

I was waiting on a friend to come over, but work happened and they can’t;
but I wasn’t.. I wasn’t really waiting too much because, well, I knew they’d be too busy.

There was no holding my breath here.

I managed dishes today, and yard work.
I even knocked out several pages and adsense set up with Google on one of my other sites.

Yet somehow I feel as though I didn’t do what I needed to today. Whatever that may be.

And I still, have no clue, what I’m doing here, now.

I want to hear from someone, not sure I know who though.

I’d love to head out and travel the world, without a ticket in hand, or a destination in mind.

I’m lost, without a sense of why, I’m depressed, without a sense of where, I left off…

Normally with all this space, and free time, I’d rejoice in the chance to do.. something.
To become something more, in that time, in that free space.

Yet here I sit, completely, and utterly, unsure as to what I’m doing, now,

or ever.

Veronica Yem

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