All the pretty pieces –

This is the story of how I live with the pieces, broken shards, beautiful wounds that life has led me to and through. And that you aren’t alone with yours.

*Today I realized I should perhaps toss in a … heads up, as you read my posts you will come across all matter of material. I will talk about nearly anything and everything, from books, writing, dreams, abuse, child abuse, drinking, drugs, sex, music, life choices, singing, dance, dogs, cats, psychics, attraction, the weather, trees, nature, butterflies, demons, God, religion, spirituality, fate, depression, suicide, and all manner of life in between. I will not hold back, it is no longer in me to do so here.

I’ve had such a strange life, and I know this. When I was younger I was certain someone must have cursed me with the saying “May you live an interesting life”. Now I’m grateful for that interesting life – it hasn’t quieted down much at all.

I grew up in a very hippy, eclectic, amazingly loving, and horribly abusive home. I don’t recall much of my life from 4-9 years old, it isn’t hazy, it’s gone in to the darkness. I’m sure I will share bits and pieces of that, of what comes to the light, as it has recently – perhaps often, though perhaps not.

Much of the rest of my life has been battling the darkness, the demons, that came to roost in those years.

Though I often would coast, and avoid trying to put together the pieces, I have come to know that living truly means accepting the pieces that make up the whole. How they come together once broken.

I’ve worked for Fortune 25 companies, for small business. In Real Estate, Law, Travel, Design, Planning, Food & Restaurants, and I’ve even worked in the Adult Industry. Volunteered for years, with children and animals, hoping to give back as much as I can to others.

Been through counseling at various levels since I was 7. Have been suicidal off & on from that age as well, I’ve attempted suicide, been in psych wards, and wandered through many years when I probably should have been committed again – my despair was so deep.

Since I was 7 or so I also became very ill, and when I was 13 I was formally diagnosed. I have lived for 25+ years with diagnoses of Fibromyalgia, Chronic Regional Pain Disorder, RSD, Migraines, Multiple Sclerosis & Lupus. I used to curse the life that was taken from me, now I see what an amazing life I was given. Some days, some moments, I would happily give up the fight – lay down, and forget it all, but most days, most moments even, I look around and simply see the wonder, beauty and love that is there – sick body, broken heart, or no.

I am (and this is the hardest part to write about in many ways) a dreamer, and a channel – or medium as some say. Not just a head in the clouds dreamer, though I do love a good day dream, but a night time Dreamer – and the past few years has brought me books and books of my own dreams, many of which have come to pass, some of which have simply given me a heads up, others that help me open up and move on.

As for the medium/channel, that I spent the better part of 30 years blocking, until recently it became crystal clear (hah! no, really) that it was time to accept who I am, what I see, hear, feel, all that I experience on every level. I’ve known, and accepted, my entire life that others had experiences, read their books, their blogs, listened to their talks, stories, dreams – but somehow I couldn’t come to admit I was … worthy of these same skills.

However, I write now to share not just the details of my past and my pain, but my happiness, my joy, love, the light I see in the world – the light that carried me through it all. There will be sorrowful moments, snarky rants, and just apathetic phases, I know; it all comes back to the light though.

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9 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Rohan
    Nov 14, 2013 @ 19:40:28

    Wow! You seem to have had a pretty crazy life!
    Thanks for following my blog btw!
    I hope that this blog gives you a place to vent your emotions and that you find that after dawn there is always sunshine.
    Looking forward to more from you! 🙂

    Reply

    • kintsugi999
      Nov 16, 2013 @ 01:24:33

      “Without the darkness of night, we would never know the brilliant light of the stars!” Crazy and wonderful. 🙂

      Reply

  2. ghostbusterbev
    Dec 04, 2013 @ 04:19:03

    Welcome to the light. Thanks for visiting and following my blog…yours is a treasure trove of insights. I’ll be back!

    Reply

  3. lindalitebeing
    Dec 05, 2013 @ 18:15:24

    thank you for finding me and following my blog so I could come here and learn about you! I am excited to hear your stories.

    in light,
    litebeing

    Reply

  4. Urmumification
    Dec 06, 2013 @ 05:30:09

    u had it tough and so did I,
    yet we all survive.
    people who had it good,
    travelled on the cruise.
    What they will know what ocean’s deep is?
    they’ll pass their journey a bliss.
    unaware of true beauty they miss.
    Beauty is everywhere but has to be snatched to see its worth.
    much like air what we all breathe,
    so ignorantly,
    Only to realise its importance once its leave(air)
    and we die peacefully.
    hahahaah, lol, tried to write a poem for u,
    but failed ‘miserably’.
    I am 20 so still going thru brain-puberty, so pardon my language but I hope I convey my thoughts well. Thanks for reading my blog and I hope you keep valuing the importance of beautiful things in world who majority of us will just take as granted.

    Reply

  5. WordsFallFromMyEyes
    Dec 10, 2013 @ 19:18:43

    Blogs are great for releasing pain and memories, believe me!

    Welcome to blogging 🙂

    Reply

  6. Sue Dreamwalker
    Dec 15, 2013 @ 16:25:02

    I am pleased you are now putting all the pieces of the Jig-saw of Life together and thank you for becoming a follower at Dreamwalker’s.. Love and Blessings
    Sue

    Reply

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